yar. came to this site just to listen to that 2 songs, without tapping on my itunes. on loop somemore - wonderful.

though i'm pretty sure no one comes here to read anymore due to that long stagnant period before this, i don't care, because im very bored, very tired and desparately need something to do. and im quite sick of re-reading the Twilight saga and i'm ignoring the stack of books waiting to be put back onto the shelf, the clothes that need washing... whatever.

the mind is very occupied right now. the type of busy mind which clips of random thoughts rushing through, lasting less than 3 seconds each. and before i can conclude or even grasp what i'm actually thinking about, another thought comes in.

should have went for js' bachelor party. but to think of it now, it's good that i'm not going at all tonight.

should have stayed at grandma's place. but i really cannot take the nagging anymore.

should have done proper financial planning when i started work. but spending lots of money is my second nature i can't seem to get rid of.

okay fine, i'll start with the next paycheaque.

maybe i'll go find marvin right now to come and assess my room for the revamp. but weekend night drag people out, later kim will kill me.

milktea with yihan? nah, shop close already.

i think i'll change bookstore membership from borders to kinokuniya when it expires next month.

maybe i'll go for milktea tmr.

no, have to get to the bank. NEED to do something about money like right away.

should i call the boyfriend? but maybe he's asleep or busy. i'll wait for The Message of the day. or maybe 2 to make up for yesterday as well.

wonder how will it be like to emcee on sunday. haven't spoken in front of alot of people since Open House this year.

maybe i'm too pale. and too fat.

the stupid crack on the heel is healing, but still very painful. fuck.

what's Bestie doing now? will Victor Huang still be our bestie?

it's like the fifth loop of the 2 songs i'm listening to right now. still not tired of it.

should i go beg js to consider his options again before it's too late?

i think boyfriend died. or his love did.

nah, i think the phone did.

SIGH.

okay i'm going back to twilight, clothes and stacking of books. this is getting nowhere.



if only you knew,

how long i've been alone, how long i've been feeling so empty and scared.
how i wanted someone to come along, and change my life like you do.

if you know,

how these moments mean so much to me,
how your hugs, kisses and touch comforts and secures me.
and if only you knew how happy you're making me.

never thought i'll fall in love so deeply with anyone before.

i'm not the best person to fall in love with i admit.
i go crazy with emotions ever so often,
i think more than i need to.
i'll search for all the hints of tiresome and regret in you,
and kill myself with saddness,
that i'm the root cause of those feelings.

time and time again i looked at you and can't find the love you have for me no more.
time and time again i said to myself it is enough.

but then would come the time you take me into your arms,
when your touch tells me that you still want me.
and once again these words i'll have to say:

i can't get along, without you.

i'll be content.
to be without your kiss before work.
our long goodbyes before i went.

i'll change.
but for change is never easy,
will my love be patient and wait?

if only you know
how much you mean to me
how much i hope i mean something to you as well

for to the world you may be one person
but to one person, you are the world.

if only you know, maybe you'll understand.







when life is feeling stagnant, I love to look at recent photographs to tell myself: HEY! i do have a life after all!

aww. all the fun times i've spent ever since i came back like 1 month ago.

There was the Besties Full Trottle, of getting lost, missing exits and getting tanned on Changi Beach.


And I finally graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic. not very happy about the fact that I'm no longer a student in the possibly best school i've attended. but yar, it's still graduation.

and the fact that i'm involved in the school's top 10 graduation dinner is still a ouzzle i've yet to solve. but what the heck, huimei and jinhui were there to ease my bordom then.





then the craziest part of this month happed after the graduation dinner. getting drunk and high with vera chung diya and her friends. first time puking after drinks, and first time flying on that magic carpet. quite an experience, which im not very eager to try again.




O, and the going to zoo with children and throwing them into the tigers' den lunch with Gurion and Hannah. classic.








i wonder what others do when they feel bored. sleep? watch a movie? read? haha, if you do that when you feel that life's stagnant, you're probably my best friend or something - cos we've got lots in common!

while waiting for THE FATHER to come home to bring us out for dinner.. i watched Army Daze for the second time, watched Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging for the second time, attempted to go soul search by the pond, anddddddd i photo surf!


and normally i only photosurf at these 2 sites:


it's a photo side from a Taiwanese photographer i chanced upon while researching on Black Bird Fly (o, im going to order it once i am back in Singapore!). his photos just gets better. and i think he's gay. sigh.



and this! haha, im having a major crash with the photos this photographer, o pardon me, this artist with a camera, takes. hes a friend/classmate/iduno of Iggy Gwee, and i've been stalking his photos for ages. i've already eyed a few prints which i'm going to order soon.





where did all the time fly to? omg, i'm going back to Singapore soon, like 3 more weeks soon. and i haven't shopped enough! not enough CK, Tommy Hilfiger, Guess..


and i really want to visit more places, though i think i visited quite a number already. okay, report (or more to ensuring i'll never forget)! in the last 3 weeks, i've been to..

1. Detroit, Michigan
2. Orlando, Florida
3. Indiana
4. Ohio
6. West Virginia
7. Virginia
8. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
9. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
10. Maryland
11. New York
12. Wisconsin


maybe i'll take the chance to fly west next week or something, at least somewhere in California.

despite the cold, and the long journey by road to everywhere. i really enjoyed visiting those places, especially Washington D.C and New York! omg, damn exciting just thinking back. DC was really great because it wasn't so cold when I visited and I LOVE THE MUSEUMS! and also the memorial halls fo Lincoln and Thomas Jefferson.

perhaps it's the lack of skyscrapers surrounding these magnificient structures, that make them look so.. magnificient. it's so incredible seeing them blending into the blue sky, and for Jefferson's case, surrounded by those beautiful cherry blossoms.

as for NYC. need i say more? the moment i saw those big billboards EVERYWHERE in Times Square, i thought my heart would burst with excitment. i can hardly describe the exhilaration i was expriencing there, it's really different from Chicago, and even Singapore. it was an experience to watch those people rush to work in Wall Street in the morning as well, handphones plastered to their ears, getting out of the subway, practically sprinting to work.

and i besides the billboards, i really love the subway in NYC! it's so mysterious, crowded, dirty, confusing and massive! 43 lines in total. it's as if getting lost is the norm, becuase not only me, the locals get lost themselves too.